It’s great that you want to work on improving yourself and being more independent. However, since your boyfriend decided to end the decade-long relationship, he definitely is not worth it. Think about it – the amount of time you guys were together wasn’t enough for him to overlook your imperfection? If he truly loved you, he would’ve made the effort to help you work out your insecurities.
The end of a relationship usually signals the beginning of a period of mourning and healing for both parties. Since the breakup was not mutual, you will definitely have to adjust, first to being rejected, and second, to life without somebody you still care for.
You have to now embrace being single and experience all the things you couldn’t do when he was in your life.
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Here are some tips on what you should do in the early days of a breakup to let the healing begin.
1. Avoid him for at least a few weeks. Seeing your former flame can bring out emotions and may cause you do to or say something you will regret.
2. Talk about your feelings with close friends. Get everything out so you won’t hold it inside. Your friends may get sick of hearing you talk about the situation but you need to let out all your feelings and thoughts.
3. Cry if you want to. It’s OK to cry over a loss. Don’t hold back, let the tears roll, but do it in a safe and private place.
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4. Let go of mementos. Put aside or give away anything that reminds you of the relationship. Hide them out of sight so he will be out of mind until you’re able to remember the relationship without longing for it.
5. Focus on all the things about your ex that drove you crazy, turned you off, or you just found plain annoying. It’ll make you feel better to remember your former flame was not perfect and there are things you won’t really miss about him.
6. Think about the mean, cruel or rude things your ex may have done in your relationship. Really give these things play in your memory. Remind yourself that somebody who truly cared for you would not have done such thoughtless things and tell yourself you’re better off without that kind of ego-crushing behaviour in your life.
7. Maintain a strict no contact policy and stick with it. Don’t pass notes through friends. Don’t make any calls. Stay away from instant messaging or texting on your cell. Avoid all contact until you are totally and completely sure you no longer want to be with him. It’s the only way you can move on once and for all.
On the other hand, you should also work on your insecurities. Ask yourself why you were being so insecure – if it was because of your ex-boyfriend’s behaviour, or if it was because of your own issues. You have to come to terms with these so you can start on a clean and fresher slate with your next guy. Good luck!
How do you get over your ex?
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